body horror donuts and fruit taxonomy
unsnackable vol. 7
I've never gone trick-or-treating. It doesn't feel like there is a plastic pumpkin-sized void in my childhood because I grew up in Minnesota. It was always cold on Halloween, and I was a child that slipped into coat-hating vanity at a young age. If you listen closely enough on a chilly October day, you can probably hear a Minnesotan talking about that historic Halloween Snowstorm.
I think my parents must have felt the same way when they decided that I would not engage in Halloween. I understand as an objectively exhausting child and the youngest after a 7-year gap. My parents had a flair for the dramatic and said it was because one of my siblings' classmates had found a razor in their candy when they were young. That was a lie, but they were tired.
I appreciate that my first experience celebrating Halloween was in college. It was then that I was introduced to the great conflict of my adult life- how to budget for both candy and booze. I still haven't figured it out.
Now that you understand that my millennial financial Achilles heel is snacks, not avocado toast, we can dig into this week's unsnackables.
the unsnackables
sweet
KRISPY KREME BLOODSHOT DONUT (Singapore)
My favorite media consumption habit is being an active participant in the meme economy of film twitter from the time a hyped film is cast to when it is in theaters but only watching it years later. Grasping the visual language of a film while still being unable to summon a single plot point or critical review? Blissful tbh. Anyway, I finally watched Hereditary and now I firmly believe that Ari Aster was a guest consultant at Krispy Kreme Singapore during the development of this Body Horror donut. 'Tis the season for a donut chain to summon a bit of dark energy, I guess.
savory
KERALA PERI PERI BANANA CHIPS ( India)
This snack is a bit of a misnomer and led me down a confusing path of studying the taxonomic variations between types of bananas in an entirely confusing but slightly illuminating way. As a Nigerian, I am well acquainted with plantain chips because they are a perfect snack with high, fry-friendly starch content. Substituting them with bananas is a move that would get you laughed out of the NYT Cooking comment section. Well, unless you had Nendran bananas from Kerala because those seem to be closer to plantains? There is an "every square is a rectangle, but every rectangle isn't a square" sort of situation happening here. Either way, I'm mad that I've never put piri-piri on my plantain chips.
thirsty
KINNIE (Malta)
When I was in middle school, my sister moved to Worcester. People would ask me where in Massachusetts she lived. I would blank every time. I hadn't learned that Mass towns are pronounced without a single letter that appears in their written form. All I knew was that when we visited was that I could get Moxie. I don't know why I was an adolescent drawn to a gentian root flavored soda, but I would hoard the bottles. I grew out of my obsession when I moved to the east coast and had access to Moxie, but that residual goodwill is probably what drew me to Kinnie. Wormwood is an odd flavor, but I love a soda that tastes like it'd be prescribed to treat a case of the vapors.
boozy
HARTWALL GIN & CASSIS (Finland)
Earlier this year, I tried a Finnish long drink for the first time. As a fan of the entire Ready-To-Drink alcoholic beverage category, I was blown away. Citrus and gin in chuggable form? Incredible. Turns out that the Long Drink that I tried was brought to America with the help of Kygo (?), Rickie Fowler (??) and Miles Teller (who sucks!) so now I'm just craving the real thing. Hartwall has been making long drinks since 1952, and this cassis flavor is calling my name.
I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.7 of unsnackable.
If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.
Think you’ll miss me before unsnackable v.8 comes to your inbox? follow me on other parts of the internet and tell me about what you’re snacking on or tell me which celebs you want to collaborate on a snack and what that snack should be
I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.
If you’d like to support my snack related endeavors you can find me on venmo at thefolu