I stopped dreaming a few months ago. Every night I drift into the void and wake, not rested per se, but without the disturbing sensation that my brain was working while I was asleep. I found it stressful at first, but now I'm thankful.
The change could be a symptom of stress-induced cognitive decline, but I don't google stuff like that anymore. WebMD is no one's friend during a pandemic, and productivity is a prison. I save that energy for the time I forgot the word "pants" and had to google the answer ("fabric bottom clothes long" got me what I needed) and for leaning on the knowledge of the amateur snack archivists of the internet.
I'm thankful for their devotion because without them, how else could I log on and find out that there are only 3 remaining pictures of the best overall Starburst assortment. The California Fruits (circa 1989, not the Baja California Fruits of the early 2000s) were unmatched because they included the greatest Starburst flavor of all time- Plum Passion.
I used to think of social media as nothing more than an exercise in cataloging in ephemera, now I can barely use the internet without thinking about everything we've lost. Servers and platforms pledge no fealty to our memories, even if they are just of chewy candies.
Since we’re on the topic of candy, let's get to this week's unsnackables.
Sometimes it feels like I should give Google Translate a co-writing credit on this newsletter. It does a lot of the heavy lifting and allows me to discover that this regional Japanese ice cream snack features a salty cookie, similar to shortbread. Chinsuko is a specialty of the Okinawa area and draws inspiration from Chinese baking traditions, instead of those from Europe. While some modern recipes use butter or neutral oils, traditional Chunsuko uses lard and the flaky texture will shine in the rich vanilla base.
The older I get, the more I understand that Eiffel 65 was singing about crushing and all-consuming depression, but that doesn't stop me from invoking their name to talk about this candy bar. It's blue, thanks to Butterfly Pea Flowers, but it is also muscat grape flavored? Please give it to me.
LAYS CHICKY CHIPS ( Thailand)
Substack is a bit of a hater for not allowing me to insert a clip of that Inception Gong Sound here because once again, we are presented with a snack more powerful than Christopher Nolan. KFC has taken their KFC flavored Lays collaboration and coated actual KFC Chicken with those chips. Incredible innovation at every turn.
SCHWIP SCHWAP (Germany)
Yes, I picked this because it has an incredible name. I also picked this because orange works so well with cola. But the real draw is that I am now thinking about the 5 weeks when we suffered through the collective hysteria of pretending that Empire was good. Did I put Drip Drop on multiple playlists? Unfortunately. Serayah deserves!
GERMAN BLACK BEER (China)
I am getting old enough that I'm running out the clock on my body's ability to handle the digestion of beer and dairy. With rye flavored ice cream and a beer lava filling, this has me ready to risk it all.
I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.5 of unsnackable.
If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.
Think you’ll miss me before unsnackable v.6 comes to your inbox? follow me on other parts of the internet and tell me about what you’re snacking on or tell me about other discontinued 90s snacks that you’d bring back with you if you found a time machine. Don’t lie to me and say that you miss Orbitz because no one actually misses Orbitz
I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.