sporty jello and toxic hotdog opinions
unsnackable vol. 41
I am a sweaty person. An inescapably sweaty person. Year-round, not just during the summer. But summer is special because I have slowly taught myself to embrace my sweatiness as an asset instead of a weakness.
I think it's working because I swear I'm at my hottest when I'm... at my hottest and pretending that I am not disturbed by a single bead of sweat rolling down my forehead. I ditched antiperspirants for red stridex because acid exfoliants are a proven way to kill the germs that cause odor while decreasing ingrowns and hyperpigmentation (and because "natural" deodorant is a lie). Heavy-handed blush and highlighter create the illusion of purposeful "dewy" makeup. Black clothing might absorb light and heat in equal measure but as a crop top or a plunging neckline, it's easy to split the difference with patterned separates designed to be worn poolside.
On hot summer days if I'm not diving face-first into the largest water vessel I can find, you can find me with an ice pop. Or two, or more likely, a haphazard pile of the wrappers from half a dozen. I merely exist at the whim of ice pops and they are happy to fuel my meaningless existence in unexpected ways. Like allowing me to make pastry dough during the summer when I haven't had central air since the first Obama administration.
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The star of my rotation this summer has been the Powerade ice pops. Their flavor is a nod to the original beverage without veering too far into sweetness and their extraordinary texture that melts into a soft slush without leaving you with a tasteless block of ice.
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Most of all they disregard actual athletic utility in a way that I haven't experienced since my 4th grade AAU basketball team practiced in a building that had an AllSport vending machine. A "lightly carbonated" sports drink is a cursed concept but I have nothing but fond memories of the 2-3 times I could scrape loose change from the bottom of my gym bag to buy one after practice. AllSport has gone through changes in ownership and formulations since then, but I am glad to see that the brand has held onto the same spirit of misplaced novelty. AllSport just introduced electrolyte gelatin. I will not know peace until I try it (and use it to make jello shots).
I am writing this newsletter directly in front of a fan and I do not see myself moving soon, but that is okay because we can all travel the world together with the help of these unsnackables
the unsnackables
sweet
HARIBO STADIONWURST (Germany)
I have several toxic behaviors that relate to hot dogs. I only microwave hot dogs at home if I cannot grill them. I believe in serving hot dogs naked unless they have been thematically dressed because ketchup is a scourge. Despite the toxicity of my hot dog opinions, I am deeply charmed by this football stadium-themed Haribo assortment of buns, ketchup, mustard, and hot dogs to assemble as you see fit.
POOSH GUARANÁ (Brazil)
I cannot stop obsessing over the fact that the least unlikable Kardashian may have stolen the deeply awkward name for her lifestyle empire from this Brazilian candy-coated bubblegum with a liquid filling. And I also cannot stop craving a single taste of this collaboration with the perennial favorite Guaraná soda.
savory
KFC CRUNCHY KIP BITTERBALLEN (Netherlands)
Air Fryers are the cauliflower of appliances. They are wonderful but y'all need to settle down because they cannot do everything. I prefer to use my air fryer like a microwave that makes things crispy. That functionality comes in handy with fast food because an air fryer can return cold limp leftovers to their former glory. This air-fryer-ready take on a Dutch style of fritters reminds me of another one of KFC's greatest innovations and that bodes extremely well.
thirsty
VIDAS Листа от смокиня ( Bulgaria)
The verdant, earthy flavor of fig leaves can be hard to describe if you've never tried it. And if you're like me, you have tried it but struggle to say much more than it is both recognizable and unique enough to make me consider a quick jaunt to Sofia to grab a bottle of this sparkling fig leaf and grape juice beverage. Google just says it has slight coconut notes.
boozy
ノメルズ ハードレモネード ビターサワー (Japan)
In the US, our hard lemonade belongs to Mike, but in Japan Coca-Cola's second entry into the alcoholic market belongs to three characters named Natalie, Naomi, and Ben. Coke is taking a SKAM-esque multi-platform approach to creating content for the brand's mascots who work together in a very adorable food truck. Even though it just launched, the cans have been plastered all over the Japanese corner of snackstagram. At the top of my list is the Bitter Sour flavor that incorporates notes of juniper and clocks in at a slightly higher ABV than the rest of the range.
unsnackableIRL
Once again I find myself
Making video content instead of writing about the snacks I eat
Recommending yamibuy because of their selection and prices (and free shipping) even though they have not given me spon, and this purchase was of my volition! Use my referral code and you can save $5 on your first order
I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.41 of unsnackable.
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