trash nostalgia and snack adrenaline
unsnackable vol. 8
Looking back on the early era of reality TV and the shock oriented programming that raised me, I have a lot of affection for genuine trash. It's my trash, I'm emotionally imprinted.
That affinity does not extend to Fear Factor. It is a literal curse that set Joe Rogan on a path towards mainstream relevance. I never understood it. I'm just a simple soul who prefers the "haha cars go zoom" energy of the Fast and Furious franchise. Plus, I'm quite sure that Fear Factor is the reason Love Island continues to traumatize me with those mouth to mouth challenges.
The biggest weakness of Fear Factor is how grossly it misrepresented what would be my fears as an adult. I don't live a life that tempts God to take me out of the rotation, so I'm not rushing to jump out of a moving car (but I could probably do it.) I could even handle hanging out in a snake coffin if they also slipped another stimulus check in there.
Where is the fear factor for people who fear that everyone in their lives sees them as a novelty without inherent worth? Or Fear Factor for people who don't fear being hospitalized because of a medical emergency, but they do fear that it'll happen unexpectedly and the loved one who goes to your apartment to get your belongings won't be able to find any clean underwear because you were lazy and skipped laundry day?
I wouldn't watch that version of Fear Factor because it would stress me out. My media diet is built to prevent me from consuming anything that will emotionally challenge me. I would say that my real-life diet is similar, but the pandemic has led me to think of my meals as complicated projects built to satisfy an emotional need. I don't know if that is...healthy? But I know that I made Candy Corn Ice Cream instead of thinking about not celebrating Halloween, and it was incredible.
candy corn cream cheese custard ice cream, peanut butter swirl with smoked maldon and old overholt rye, candy corn topping
This is the 8th volume of unsnackable. That is wild to me because quar has given me brain worms and I consider myself to be too hot to be fully literate. This week I'm mixing it up and adding unsnackableIRL, a chronicle of my real-life rare snack consumption, to the newsletter. Hopefully, it's a positive addition!
But before we get the snacks I have had, let's talk about the ones I cannot have with this week's unsnackables
the unsnackables
sweet
MINCE PIE WHEATS (U.K.)
Just like the beginning of November marks the beginning of All I Want For Christmas Is You season, it also begins "oh wait, mincemeat isn't meat" season. I’m happy it isn’t actual meat because boozy preserved fruit and spices are the exact flavors I want in the cereal I'm eating for breakfast two hours before the sun rises.
savory
DRY COD WITH MASCARPONE CHEESE (Japan)
Muji has never failed me, it is too perfect. Muji's supply chain? A mess. It feels like a personal attack that the snacks that make it to the states are so limited when there are intriguingly haunted snacks like this. I lack any reference for what this would taste like, and the thought of trying it almost gives me enough adrenaline to forget what is happening on Tuesday.
thirsty
CALPIS PARISA MOCHI JEPUN (Malaysia)
I will never ignore an opportunity to shade milk in this newsletter because it is not a positive cultural force. Yogurt? She is the moment. Yogurt is there for you in ways milk could never be. Yogurt is like a frog on a unicycle saying "oh shit whaddup" to your gut flora. Calpis is a strong example of the power of yogurt, and mochi is much more of a texture than a flavor, so I'm curious about this beverage.
boozy
OKOCIM RADLER TRUSKAWKA Z KWIATEM LIPY (Poland)
I love researching an ingredient and finding perfume notes before I find any information about the flavor. It makes me think consuming that ingredient will be an all-engrossing experience that engages all of my senses. A shandy isn't too exciting, but a shandy with linden blossom and strawberry is.
unsnackableIRL
ULUDAG GAZOZ (Turkey) This Turkish soda somehow makes a tutti-frutti flavor light and effervescent. I let half the bottle go flat accidentally, and I still loved drinking it.
FAYROUZ (Egypt) This made me think of the holidays growing up when my parents would let me pick a second "fun" flavor of sparkling juice alongside the usual apple.
MORINAGA RAMUNE CANDY (Japan) This is sugar chalk, and it makes me feel like a Victorian ghost child. I love it so deeply.
KIKI (Croatia) Fruit taffy is the only genre of candy that is guaranteed to be enjoyable across cultures. A friend sent me a giant bag of these (Hi Mia!). I ate them far too quickly.
I’m still figuring this out, but hopefully, you enjoyed v.8 of unsnackable.
If you didn’t please don’t tell me, tell your friends to subscribe because they hopefully have better taste than you.
Think you’ll miss me before unsnackable v.9 comes to your inbox? follow me on other parts of the internet and tell me about what you’re snacking on or tell me about the old, cancelled reality show that you wish would get a modern reboot
I’ll try any snack at least once, so don’t be shy if there is something you want to send me to try.
If you’d like to support my snack related endeavors you can find me on venmo at thefolu